When it's Hard to Hear Him in all the Chaos

The wild roar of children can make me deaf to the Word...



... or more attentive.

I must become disciplined in listening... focusing... asking Him to repeat until I hear. Me, this child, learning the same things I pray to impart to my children.

Listen. Focus. Ask. Repeat. Remember. Accept Grace. Abide in Grace. Give grace.

So in our series with the amazing Lindsey from Out of Alabaster on grace-based mothering, we have come to tip #2. I pray these suggestions help you in this critical aspect of keeping our child-hearts connected with the Father, hearing His voice above all the glorious and gory daily mess and mayhem.

2) Hearing the Word.

I long for messages from the heart of God. I long to be full of the Spirit of Grace. I long for more and more faith. 

Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. 

Because I truly struggle to sit and read and keep my eyes open... the audio Bible app on my phone has become treasured by me. I can listen to whole books in the wee hours while washing dishes, folding laundry. Because I'm not tiredly skimming familiar verses--I become aware of things I did not even realize were in scripture. I absorb a lot more than I thought I would. I also sometimes listen to the audio Bible when I'm in the car alone on the way to a job etc. 

Selah also helps me to hear the word and keep my focus on Grace by reading to me from The Action Bible. It is her favorite book, hands down. She literally reads it to herself for hours every day, and asks to read it to me. I cannot emphasis enough what a jewel this book is and what a wonderful conversation starter it is. We come across stories I didn't even realize were in the Bible so then we look them up together and read them word for word and I am amazed a what a great job they did to make this Bible kid-appropriate and still Biblically accurate. I am so grateful for children's books about God, because really, I'm learning these basic truths all over again.

Another wonderful way to hear the message of God even among the blessed chaos of kids is written right after that beautiful verse in Romans that says faith comes by hearing the message through the word of Christ:

"But I ask: Did they not hear? Of course they did: 'Their voice has gone out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.'" ~Romans 10:18

This is referencing Psalm 19 "The heavens declare the glory of God... their voice goes out into all the earth... "

Take the kids outside. Being outside of four walls is so soul-healthy. Look up.








The heavens declare a message of glory and majesty and grace and His perfect control that we can listen to at the park, on a walk, or in my case, while the kids are on the front step "hunting" for roly poly bugs.

Related Posts:

When Your Children Need Something You Don't Have Any More of: Grace

I'm Not Pretending That it's Easy... 

I'm Not Pretending That It's Easy...

**This is a series on grace-based mothering. If you're just jumping in, welcome! You can also find the posts here, at my lovely friend Lindsey's blog Out of Alabaster**

It is startling the anger, desperation, and hopelessness a little two-and-a-half foot person can stir up in me. 

But let me tell you... Alexa. Is. Sassy. 

Destructive. Challenging. Defiant. Non-stop. 

She can find things that mark no matter how high and hidden I try to store them, and she is quick and effective with her graffiti. She plays "Joshua fit the battle of Jericho" with every creation my sweet-and-ridiculously-patient six years old designs. She "plays" hide-and-go-seek at bedtime and won't come out no matter how I call, threaten, or discipline her afterwards. It's a good thing our closet door is frosted glass... I could've been up all night that kid was being so still, standing there innocently next to the vacuum cleaner and wrapping paper. 

She takes off her soiled diapers and leaves gifts for me to find, she's put her Aunt's finger nail polish on her face as "makeup", and she has shut one of our kittens in our front loading washer(the kitten was completely fine, and has been rehomed). 

I need lots of grace to survive this child, and for her to survive me! 

I wrote in my last post that we can not give what we do not have, and we can not have what we do not accept.

Grace comes from Grace. To have grace to extend to our children, we must accept Grace. We must be in relationship with Him to receive from Him. 

Okay I admit it--I'm needy. Desperately needy. I will accept grace from Grace... but how?

When I set my alarm to wake up early for Jesus time... no matter where I put my phone, no matter how early I plan get up, Alexa always seems to find it first and hide with it, maniacally scrolling through my pictures. She usually gives her location away because she can't help but click on the videos... a good portion of which are of her being extremely loud doing something I probably shouldn't be recording to later laugh about. But laughter at her antics are a survival mechanism for me. Don't judge me. 

 I also am attempting to keep up homeschooling with a brilliant six year old, and caring for a five month old baby who is just learning to scoot-crawl very quickly... but without the toddler these I could do and still go about the "normal" way of having time with the Lord. Sitting down to read my Bible, go through a devotional, an in-depth study.  

Due to emotional and physical exhaustion from the two year old, I am in a place in life where physical stillness for more than five minutes results in a dead-to-the-world kind of sleep. A place where on-the-knees prayer results in waking some time later with my folded up legs aching from a long lack of circulation and a carpet imprint on my forehead.

Please don't misunderstand--Alexa is a treasure and I love her fiercely and I pray to God I will continue to have the privilege of raising her--I'm just being straightforward about the toll it takes. 

Even if/when I do have a long and peaceful quiet time at night or in the morning... 30 minutes into a challenge/discipline routine can seem to drain every bit of grace I'd stored up. 

So if you can identify, may I offer a few suggestions on how to keep communion and intimacy with Grace during your hectic mommy days/months/years? 

1) Worship. Praise. Adoration.

When I don't praise God for Who He is and What He has done for me... my prayer life and my level of graciousness with my children is deeply affected. 

This is one of the easiest things to do with kids. I put on some great worship music, loud, and let them sing along with me and emulate my raised arms and hands stretched high to the Most High. Even just a couple of songs can soften and rejuvenate my heart that wants to harden and express anger out of my tiredness. It gets me looking up when my whole day can feel like looking down, feeling down, focusing down. Praise helps me to lift my eyes up to where my help comes from. 

Music can be an emotional scrapbook of your relationship with God. Sing songs you haven't sung in a long time. Remember what the Lord has done for you... "Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy  help I'm come..."

Sing the Lord a new song.  Maybe this one? It's Alexa's favorite right now. She calls it "O my song". It blesses my soul.

It is possible, even through all the struggling pain and chaos, that Life can be found. Grace makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful, Spirit-full, grace-full parents out of us. 

In this way, and through writing down lists of things we are thankful for, we are speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. We are singing and making music in our hearts to the Lord, encouraged to always give thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

More coming soon!

I'll Stand in Awe of You... And I'll Let My Words be Few...

"Listen to Me...

... you whom I have upheld
since you were conceived
and have carried since your birth.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He,
I am He who will sustain you;
I will rescue you and I will sustain you."
~Isaiah 46:3-4

When Your Children Need Something You Don't Have Any More of: Grace

I quit!!

Many times on hard days, these words screech in my mind.

But I can't.

I am Mom, and there is no substitute.

The five month old needs me. The two year old needs me. The six year old needs me.

They need me for full tummies and clean bottoms. They need me to help them learn colors and numbers and state capitals and scriptures and table manners. They need me to play, and praise, and sing and dance with them. They need me to wipe away their tears and kiss their bruises and hug them long.

The need me to teach them how to share, and how to give generously, even sacrificially. They need me to look into their eyes, and smile in their sweet faces, when they are talking to me. They need me to teach them how to have a quiet time, how to maintain a routine, how to value making healthy choices for their God-temple bodies.

They need me to set the example of how to be patient. They need me to show them how to pray for the family of believers, our sponsor children, and those blind, deaf, lame and lost in darkness with discernment, but not judgement. They need me to discipline them, encourage and direct them. They need me to model the freedom of following God's commands. They need me show them grace.

They need. They need. They need.

And this Momma... she runs empty... as dry as a bone.

Come over here to read the rest?... My friend Lindsey's amazing blog Out of Alabaster... 

His Daughter

She was three and a half years old when she walked down that aisle of grass, dropping petals just perfectly as practiced(and practiced and practiced).



And before my beloved and I slipped on rings and vows he scooped her in his arms and she laid her head right down, leaning safe against his heart.









We had promises for her, too.

Prayed about, written, a critical part of this public commitment my soon-to-be and I so longed for.





And the only Daddy she's ever known, these were his words to her:

"Selah, we promise to love you well...
By telling you we love you,
And by showing you our love.
We promise to protect you,
and take care of you
To the best of our God-given ability.

We promise to teach you
By words and by example
How to live your life for Christ,
and how to develop a relationship with Him."






Then I smiled into her sweet blues:

"We promise to pray for you,
and with you.
We promise to play with you
and take time for you.
And to encourage you to be
the amazing girl God has called you to be.
And to remind you that we think you are wonderful!"



She echoed each word we said.



We always told her that someday, we would have a special ceremony to change her last name, too. Some celebration publicly declaring that she is specially loved by him, too.



We've talked long about those God had great plans for who were not raised by a biological parent.

Esther. Moses. But Samuel and Jesus are her favorites to ponder.

After a year and a half of legal process, it still felt all-of-the-sudden when the time came to go to court. It was on the morning of her Daddy's 32nd birthday, and we all prayed there would be another reason to celebrate the day.



And shortly before those special words that made us all legally bind and belong she crawled in his lap, so grown and beautiful, and laid her head against him again, wrapped safe in her father's arms.


"Why are you so excited about having the name 'Hurd', Selah?"

"I wanted people to know that I belong to him..."

Where Did All the Beauty Come From?

“It was when I was happiest that I longed most...The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing...to find the place where all the beauty came from.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces






































 

"He has made everything beautiful its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men..."

~Ecc. 3:11

When You Don't Know What God Wants You to Do

We pull up to a green metal building. I crane my neck looking for a sign,"this is the church?...".

I like it immediately. Churches that don't look like churches. Maybe because I don't look like what a stereotypical church-goer is thought to look like? Formal is out of my comfort zone.

Across the street are more metal buildings, maybe apartments? Like houses cut in half their roofs are slanting triangles jutting against the evening sky.

We park, go into the cool air conditioning and out of the Houston humidity. We walk upstairs and sign in on iPads. Grab some snacks, a water bottle, and settle in the back row for an easy exit should the four month old need attention.

We are here to watch Nefarious, a documentary about human trafficking. And mostly, hopefully, to learn ways to become involved in bringing it to an end.

I hold Haylee closer, snug against my womb. Since I was 8 months pregnant with her God has been ever-burdening my heart for those trapped in cages. Those used and abused and utterly violated. For those who are bent on destroying the beauty of what sex is meant to be. For those women and girls and boys whom the devil is so intent to steal from, kill, and destroy.

I had no idea how hard it would be to watch while holding my daughter.



The documentary first focused on all these children from Moldova. Children entirely disregarded by their parents.

They abandoned them for work.

Their parents just left them to figure out on their own how to get their needs met.

Many of the children, not knowing what else to do, went to orphanages. Their parents were living... but they were forced to live as orphans.

The directors of the orphanages then sold them to those who wanted to exploit their vulnerability. No one would notice... except the other kids who were equally alone and unprotected.

The stories continued and I don't think anyone was freely breathing... this tightness settling in around the throat and heads shaking down tears of disbelief.

It wraps up and a young man with the staff of Exodus Cry begins to expound on the importance of our involvement. I stand and softly exit as Haylee squirms her warning of the hunger-cries soon coming.


I comfort the baby and sway and pray and just try to breathe through the images and information pounding in my brain.

You don't have to convince me, I am IN, I just don't know what to do... 


I have all this passion to help and I am not afraid and I want to be as bold as a lion but I hear, as I have so often before, it is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. 


He speaks gently, cooling the flush in my face. When you don't know what I want you to do, don't forget to tend to what you KNOW I want you to do. 

He brings my thoughts to the beginning. All those children abandoned and left vulnerable. For work.

My eyes drop to the clear blue of hers, my sweet baby so satisfied in my arms. She grins toothless joy clear into my muddled heart.

"I am called to raise you..." I smile into that precious soul. I say it out loud to myself, to her, to acknowledge that I heard Him. "You are a big part of whatever my life-long ministry is... to help you understand that God loves you. You, and your sisters."

Called to be a shelter for their vulnerable, emotional hearts. A safe place, and encouraging someone for them to learn with, to dream and grow, and ask, and seek, and stumble and be held and loved anyway. Called to be a voice that speaks His heart for them in sound waves they can hear.

I am called to not abandon them for work. Any kind. 


I am called to not leave them alone to figure out how to get their needs met. 


I am called to not leave them to the mercy of those who seek to exploit their vulnerability.


I am called to notice... not leave that only to other kids who are equally alone, and lonely, and unprotected. 


I am called to not leave them as emotional, spiritual, soul orphans. 


They have a heritage. They have family. They have a loving Father. 


As long as I am living... I have the privilege, the responsibility, the joy to lead them to the only One they will ever and always be completely and wholly safe with. 


And if I leave them exposed while I go do other work... even good work... who will do what I am called to? No one else is their Mother. 


I smooth down her baby fine hair, lay her head against my shoulder and pat and bounce to work it all to the surface.

"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much..."

She is comforted. I am too. I pray it sincerely "Lord, I will do whatever You want me to. I will do it whenever You lead me to do it. Help me to be faithful and trustworthy now with what I know You've given me to do..."

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

~Matthew 25:23